'Claine's Story
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Weight: 6 lbs 7 oz
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Length: 19 ¼ "
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Maclaine
Elise Loomis was born on July 3, 1999 at 11:31 p.m. She departed this
earth and entered into Jesus’ arms on July 6, 1999 at 12:30 p.m. She is greatly
missed by not only her mom and dad – Greg and Karen, but also by her sisters –
Jessica, Sarah Beth, and Katelynn, her grandparents, her aunts and uncles, and
a great number more of family and friends. The Lord blessed us greatly during
her stay here, even though it was much too short in our eyes. She touched all
our lives in those three short days, and they will never again be the same
because of her and all she did. We are so proud of all the positive effects she
had - and still has – on all those she touched. Even as she departed, she touched
another life – by donating her heart to a little boy and his family. We are so
proud of her!
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Maclaine has three big sisters. The oldest, Jessica, turned 10 in December; the second, Sarah Beth, is 9 (15 months younger than Jessica), and Katey, the third one, will be four in July. (She thinks she's as big as the others though.) |
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Her Name |
Mike
said that his daughter was named after a good high-school friend of his - and
that friend was named after an old family name. I asked Mike about his
daughter's middle name - it was Elizabeth. We already had one of those, so we
had to come up with a middle name on our own. My wife wanted something
"girly" sounding - especially since I said I was going to call her
"Mac" for short - so we finally settled on Elise.
I kept checking ICQ to catch
Mike online the first few days after Maclaine died and I wasn't able to catch
him. I finally just sent him the URL of a site with a small memorial that
another e-friend had done for her - I didn't really know what to tell him, but
I wanted him to know; I just sent that URL. The next night, we were finally
online together and were able to talk. They (Mike and his wife, Amy) really
took it hard - he had only told his wife about us using the name a few days
before. I know our Maclaine really made an impression on their lives too - even
though we had never meet in person. He told me a couple of days later that he
ran into the mother of original "Maclaine", and he even had to share
our Maclaine's story with her. She continues to touch the lives of those we
don't even know.
Her Birth
The doctor put them in the
hospital to induce about a week and a half before her due date because my
wife's blood pressure was running a bit high. They went through a long day of
labor - things weren't progressing very fast, but then there were no real signs
of problems. My wife wasn't dilating very fast and Maclaine didn't seen to be
in the right position - she was high and to the left - she didn't seem to want
to drop into the right position and she seemed to have her head turned wrong,
but she wasn't showing any signs of being in distress. After all day of this -
they had started the pit on her at about six o'clock that morning, and it was
about 10:00 that night now - the doctor tried to deliver her with both suction
and forceps, but didn't have any luck. They finally called everyone in to do a
c-section a little bit before 11:00 p.m. They offered me a chance to go back
with them, but since it had been such a long day and I wasn't feeling at 100%,
I declined. That was the Lord working things out - if I had been back there,
they would have probably run me out of there pretty quick when things got bad.
(He also worked it out where my sister - who would have normally been working
OB that night - wasn't working that night - she had been sick. She has had a
rough time as it is - it would have probably been harder on her if she would
have been in the middle of it.)
After a LONG time, the
doctors finally came out and told us that there were problems, not only with
Maclaine, but with my wife too. My wife was losing blood and they were trying
to find her problems and get her all fixed up. They knew that Maclaine had
problems too, but they weren't sure exactly what - they said something about
her maybe having some type of birth defect and that they had called for the
helicopter to fly her to the BIG hospital. (We live about 100 miles away from
there.) I didn't know what to expect to be wrong with her - Sarah Beth has mild
epilepsy, so I guess I was expecting something like that, but I knew she would
be going to the best hospital for kids in the area.
When Maclaine got here, she
wasn't breathing - they had to do CPR on her to keep her alive. The doctors and
nurses worked and worked to save her. This was more than just a patient's child
to them - this was a co-worker's child. They had watched Karen carry Maclaine
these past nine months - they had shared the concern earlier on in the
pregnancy when Maclaine's heartbeat couldn't be found. (Maclaine was being
contrary then - hiding lower down than expected.) They knew how worried Karen
was when Maclaine turned breach at 36 weeks. (She flipped back before the 37th
week.) They had shared all the joy and concern those past nine months, and were
now sharing the fear when things had not worked out as planned.
They got her on a ventilator
and her heart was beating on its own. While some were working on Maclaine,
others were still working on my wife. They ended up having to give her two
units of blood and kept thinking about giving her a third. They found a place
that she had torn during the labor and were able to get her all sewed up. They
let me go back and see my wife after they had stabilized her. She had been
awake during it all - they just gave her a local, but she was pretty doped up.
She remembers hearing them announce the time but not hearing Maclaine cry. She
knew that something was wrong with her.
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"Our Little Angel" Gets Her Wings |
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Before they left, they brought Maclaine back to my
wife's room so she could see her. (I could hardly keep up with them - they were
moving so fast!) They had her all ready to fly! All packed up in their
"mobile hospital" and covered with plastic wrap to keep her warm. My
wife touched her foot for a second - I told them I would be up to check on her
in a little bit. And off she went! From then on, she's been "Our Little
Angel".
Sunday, July 4th
After
I talked to Karen and got her all settled in and taken care of, my dad drove me
to LR to check on Maclaine. (I finally got a couple of hours sleep during the
drive.) We got there before visiting time, but they let us go back anyway.
After we had washed all up and put on our clean gowns. They still had her covered
in the plastic wrap, but she was just on one of the regular table\beds - no
incubator. She was the bully of the bunch back there. A lot of the others were
preemies - little bitty things. (They had about 50-something babies back
there.) She was just perfect - I never found a mark or a mole on her - except
for a little red mark on her nose. (I don't know if she did it or if the doctor
did it.) And she had more hair than Katey did when she was a year old! She must
have been taking after Sarah Beth. Her hairline was a combination of Jessica's
(straight across at the forehead) and Katey's (a deep "v" hairline at
the forehead). And she had big hands and feet. Katey has a growth problem -
she's about a year behind in size (except her weight) - and Maclaine's hands
and feet were already about 2/3 the size of Katey's! (One of the nurses there
made a mold of her hand and made us castings of it - something we will always
cherish!)
The doctors came by shortly
and told us how she was. They had checked her and she had no reflexes. There
was no response from her pupils. They told me she had a very bad injury to her
brain. Her head was swelled a little, but not enough to make it look really
bad. I knew that this was all very bad news and I knew then that she probably wouldn't
survive.
We don't know what caused the brain injury - that is the way the
Lord wants it to be. There are several possible causes, but nothing really
stands out to point a finger to. We don't know for sure because God doesn't
want us to know. He doesn't want anyone to feel responsible. (The doctors and
nurses have all had a very hard time with all of this. I think they have all
been second-guessing themselves. We know they all did their very best and they
did everything they could have and would have done for her. They gave us the
time we did have with her and allowed her to able to give the gift of life -
the thing that she couldn't keep herself.) We know that God did not cause her
to die. We know that He allowed what happened to happen because He has a plan
that is for a greater good than our own. We have to trust in His wisdom, even
when it pains us, and know that He has greater things in store for those who
believe and trust in Him.
I went down to the car to use the phone and call Karen and tell
her the news. Maclaine's bag with her clothes and things was still in the car.
As I looked through it, I found a little bib/burp pad set that I had found for
her on the clearance rack at Wal-Mart. It's white with pink piping with lots of
hearts and "Daddy loves me" on it. I would have never imagined on
that day I spent $2 and bought it how priceless it would become. After I had
made a couple of calls and made sure someone was there with Karen, I called her
and told her what the doctors had said. She knew it was a bad report too. It
made it even worse that we were apart then, but she knew that one of us needed
to be there taking care of Maclaine.
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I carried the burp pad back up to leave with her - to let her and everyone else know how much we all loved her. It spent most of the time covering her head and eyes. (To protect her eyes from all the bright lights?) Her nurse wanted to know if I had any socks for her. I sent my dad back down to the car for the bag and then searched it - but no socks. The nurse went to the "supplies" cabinet and came back with some green and yellow and pink and purple socks for her. They were really "loud." I know she liked them. |
I
spent the rest of the just spending time with her - touching and caressing her.
And praying.
When she was only a couple
of months along, they couldn't find her heartbeat during one of her check-ups.
They sent Karen to have an ultrasound to check on her. Karen called me on the
way and I left to join them. All during that drive in from work, I prayed. I
prayed for "Our Little Angel". (We didn't know she was a "she"
then.) I prayed for everything to be OK. I finally prayed that God's will would
be done regardless of the outcome - and he answered that prayer. And that day,
she was just hiding from us - a little lower than expected.
Now, I had to pray the same
prayer again - God's will be done regardless of the outcome. With that prayer,
I believe God opened the gates of Heaven and poured down blessings on us. He
gave us all the strength and grace to deal with all that lay ahead. He gave us
wisdom to make the right decisions and guided us down all the right paths. He
sent friends and family and strangers - that became friends - to comfort and
help us. And He gave us vision - vision to see some of the things He had done,
some of the things He had planned, and most of all to see that He was right
there with us through it all - that we were not alone even when friends and
family were gone. He understood what we were going though - for He, too, had
watched His child die.
11:31 pm - 'Claine turned
one day old, and I made sure I was there to wish her a Happy
Birth"day". Those late evening became very special to me. During the
day, things were very busy and there was always something going on around the
NICU. As it got later at night, things would quiet down, family and friends
would head off to home or rest, and at those times I could really spend
"quality" time with her. Just talking to her, looking at her,
watching the monitors keeping an eye on her. At times I wish I could have
stopped all time and kept things like that...
Monday, July 5th
The
nurse asked if I wanted to hold Maclaine that morning. I was a little concerned
about how Karen would feel about not getting to hold her first, but the nurse
said she had already called that morning and had talked to her about it and
given Karen had given her approval. So… I got to hold her for the first time.
And I wasn't about to let her go - I think I upset my mom when I wouldn't
"get tired" of holding her. (Everyone got their chance to hold her
later.)
When the doctor came by, he
told us that they had done an ultrasound of her brain to see how bad the damage
was. They could tell by looking at the swelling and the blood flow that her
brain damage was one of the worst they had ever seen. They never gave us any
false hope about her "getting well". They were planning to do an EEG
on her that morning to check for any brain activity.
That morning was the first
time that organ donation was mentioned - I think we caught them a little off
guard - Maclaine would end up being the first one out of the NICU to make an
organ donation. My mom was the one that voiced the possibility, but she didn't
say anything that I wasn't already thinking. God blessed us through all of this
by giving us a single mind - it seemed as though we were all thinking the same
thing - there were no arguments or disagreements, only love and family. The
staff said they would look into the possibility of organ donation and let us
know if she would be a candidate.
Karen was on her way up -
they had semi-released her. (She was traveling with a nurse and was not
completely discharged.) The doctors and staff at home knew the prognosis wasn't
good and that Karen needed to be there with us.
I let go of her just long
enough for them to do her EEG, but after that, I was right back at holding her.
And that’s where I was when Karen arrived. I knew I was going to have to share
her a little then. J
The doctor came that afternoon to
tell us about the results of her EEG. They found a little conference room
outside the NICU where we could go and talk about her. With all our family and
friends, it was almost too little. Dr. Hall told us that the EEG showed no
activity – that was not a real surprise to anyone. He said it was possible that
some of the medications she was on were suppressing her brain activity, but he
didn’t feel like that was a very big possibility. If we gave her enough time,
he said that she would probably be able to breath without a respirator – the part
of the brain controlling natural breathing would probably recover. But the
Maclaine that we had hoped and dreamed of for the last nine months was already
gone. She was already safe in Jesus’ arms.
We wanted the other girls to be able
to have some time to spend with her, so my dad had left earlier to go pick them
up and bring them to the hospital. They had moved ‘Claine into a little room
there off the pod - where we wouldn’t disrupt everyone else quite as much. Katey
and Jessica made it back with Dad. They got all approved by the nurse and all
washed up and gowned up – Katey’s gown was about two feet too long - and where
able to see Maclaine for the first time.
From
the beginning, we had not tried to hide any of what was going on from them. They
had watched and waited the past nine months. They had been to the doctor’s
appointments too and had heard her heartbeat and seen the ultrasounds. They had
waited all day for her to be born, and they were in the operating room waiting
room when the doctors came to tell us there were problems. Maclaine was their
sister, just as much as our daughter. We tried to explain what had happened to
them as best we could. There were a few questions that we had to admit that
even we didn’t know the answers.
Later that evening, a representative
from the Arkansas Regional Organ Recovery Agency (ARORA) stopped by to answer a
few of our questions. We wanted to try to do everything we could that might help
others, but this was all new to us, and we didn't quite know what we could do.
It still seemed like they were still caught a little off guard by our offer.
Karen and I were raised believing that you should always try to help another in
need - whether that means giving a little money to the poor, stopping to help
someone that needs assistance, or just giving a neighbor a little hand. Even in
our time of sorrow, we could not forget this - there are many, many out there
every day waiting - and hoping - and praying - for a gift of life.
Before Maclaine could be considered
a candidate for organ donation, she would have to be declared "brain
dead" - that her brain is no longer functioning in any capacity. The
doctors wanted to perform two more test before they certified that - another EEG
and a BEAR test. And that would come tomorrow.
That night arrangements had been
made for Karen and I to stay across the street at the Ronald McDonald House.
Their hospitality was greatly appreciated. Karen needed to be able to rest and
try to recover from her surgery a little and the NICU waiting room was not the
best place to try to do that.
Tuesday, July 6th
More of 'Claine's Story.... coming soon...
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